Bulktember 11 – Never Forget

BULKTEMBER: Ruined by Laryngitis? Maybe, but it goes a little deeper than that. Kids, I'm here to tell you about the dangers of Alcohol. In particular, the impact it can have on healthy individuals in the midst of a BULKTEMBER. You may believe the only negative effect of a solid eight hours of imbibing could be left/right imbalance after all those light bicep curl reps, but you are wrong.

Scientifically, alcohol is one of the least productive chemicals that can be put through the human system. There are problems that go beyond the cliché issues you'd expect, such as eating too many gyros; dehydration; and distributing all the protein, carbohydrates and bits of carrot that you were going to be using for recovery between your legs and into a toilet bowl.

The first thing we consider is the production and repair of muscle fibres themselves. Studies have proven that regular alcohol consumption "alters a variety of key regulatory steps in translation initiation that would be expected to impair protein synthesis in skeletal muscle" (Lang, C. Et al 1999). Essentially, if protein synthesis is impaired amino-acids struggle in their quest to form complete proteins, which eventually would form a key cell in your rippling left bicep or telephone-cable strength groin.

Alcohol consumption has also been shown to reduce testosterone production in males, effectively putting a skirt on your body's desire to grow new muscle fibres. This also affects the balance of oestrogen in the body, which reduces libido – cascading into a lack of motivation for bulking up – as well as explains why the majority of unfit, sorry drunks carry bitch-tits wherever they go. However, one study in Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research did show that in certain types of rat testosterone occasionally spiked acutely following the administration of alcohol (Diamond, I., de Wit, H. 1997). But even if you are a rat person, this isn't greatly beneficial in regards to weight training.

You can't weight train while drunk. Alcohol and B Vitamins don't get along nicely, and as each drink dissolves throughout your bloodstream is nukes B Vitamins as it goes. This cripples your strength, energy and endurance. No vitamins and minerals are spared by alcohol. What's worse, all nutrient processing that occurs in alcohols presence is hampered. The American National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has been banging on about this for years. Alcohol's effects include:

• The pancreas decreases the secretion of digestive enzymes;
  
• Cells lining the stomach and intestines are damaged, impairing absorption of nutrients;
  
• The presence of alcohol can also prevent transport of some nutrients into the bloodstream completely (NIAAA 1993)
  

Meaning that drinking in excess within the 36 hour window after weight training when your body is repairing is in part wasting your workout.

And, finally, the conclusion you come to when you realise all the crucial vitamins, minerals and anti-oxidants have gone missing from your body at the same time as your energy levels crash and you're completely dehydrated is that you're a World Trade Centre just waiting for bacteria and viruses to crash into you and topple you into an anti-BULKTEMBER heap. This is the reason I'm sitting here with a course of Penicillin which, in its tablet form, is incredibly bulky and hard to swallow. I made the mistake of drinking during BULKTEMBER and that is something I will never do again. So whenever you develop a six week bulking plan you should avoid scheduling conflicts with weddings, your birthday or successful software implementation celebrations. This is something I'll never forget.