At the start of April I was faced with four consecutive Saturdays of bucks weekends or weddings. It was going to be a long, exciting month of celebrations of love, and buddies, and drinking and shared germs.

On the last day of March, before I boarded my first bus for almost a year, I wished that if I could get through the next four weeks without getting sick I would be amazed and grateful.

Somehow, against all odds, it happened. I rode public transport, ate off dirty barbecues, shook hands and kissed cheeks with people from all over. I woke up the day after Cowan's wedding feeling healthy and free.

The very next day I caught a cold. A day of sore throat that was followed by a week of fatigue, hot snot and high temperatures.

I'm like, shit, I should have wished for something better.

Every second Monday morning there are boxes of free fruit waiting in the office kitchenette.

Each time I see them, already haunted by the ghost of another weekend, my mood is further soured by the realisation that another two weeks of my existence are over. Another two weeks of work have brought me to the same place yet again. What mark on this Earth have I left since the last box of fruit was delivered?

Then I think, oooh, free banana!

For the other tightarses who have wondered, as the Bride and Groom exit down the aisle...

Yes, you can do the dishes with the leftover bubble mix

DHGate. Just in time for...
Christmas
Valentine's Day
Wedding Anniversary
Mother's Day!

Es ist zu ende! Fertig! Am letzten Wochenende habe ich Duolingo abgeschlossen. Es stellt mir eine schöne bild und Alles! Das schlaue Eule. Sehen?

Duolingo auch melden meine Geläufigkeit gleich 38 prozent. Au weia. Ich denke das ist nicht ganz echt. Meine Google Translate benutzt etwa 50 prozent sind gewesen, nicht 62 prozent! Das ist lustig. Meine Grammatik ist sehr schelcht. Das weiß ich.

Ich werde nach Deutschland bald fahren. Ich muss seine Sprache lernen! Deswegen ich habe fast täglich Deutsch gelernt, mit mein Handy. Fahrt auf den Zug? Deutsch lernen. Sitzen auf die Toiletten? Deutsch lernen.

Ich werde nie Deutsch sprechen, in Deutschland. Das weiß ich auch. Allerdings, Ich werde lesen. Ich werde zuhören, möglicherweise.

Guten Nacht.

I'm not a handyman. I don't do many projects where I get my hands dirty, though I do have a Bunnings Trade Card. You can't use it for a discount on the sausage sizzle though.

Sometimes I do move dirt around, or change washers and it makes me feel good. I even have a pair of tracksuit pants I wear to the hardware store to help me look more blue-collar, and to help me feel less conspicuous when I use my trade card. They're a dirty olive green, with a few white paint stains on one leg.

I hope no one at the hardware store can tell the paint is actually toothpaste.

Maybe the reason I failed the Linux System Administrator level 2 exam on Friday (by 3%!) is because I insisted on trying to learn German all week at the same time.

I mean, just look at this list of German words/system commands.

Sonderangebot
Umount
Seboolean
Wozu
Bin
Sondern
Hier
Paar

Hint: A few are both.

The Great Barrier Reef might be bleached, but today marked the day in Adelaide where Autumn really ended and the cold began. It was so dark and chilly that even the dog balked when I tried to use a gap in the showers to take her for a walk outside. She took three steps into the evening, turned around and tried to get back in the front door. After I insisted, she walked a loop of the neighbourhood on fast forward. She didn't even have the decency to park a turd so that I could warm up my hands.

The change of seasons doesn't bring me to my usual despair this annual tilt of the Earth's rotational axis relative to the plane of its orbit. That's because before the solstice gets here I'll be leaving to winter in Europe. Where it won't be winter. This is not coincidence.

So, this fact has had some influence on my 2016 Autumn mixtape, which I think is now ready for repeated listens in order to create a time travel portal. I call it...

Autumn -> Summer 2016
Spotify Link

1. M83 - Do It, Try It
2. Miike Snow - My Trigger
3. Animal Collective - FloriDada
4. Big Wild feat. Tove Stryke - Aftergold
5. Santigold - Banshee
6. Tokimonsta feat. Anderson .Paak & KRNE - Put It Down
7. Flume feat Tove Lo - Say It
8. Låpsley - Hurt Me
9. Sia - Alive
10. Olympia - Smoke Signals
11. SAFIA - Make Them Wheels Roll
12. Yeasayer - Silly Me
13. DJ Shadow feat Run the Jewels - Nobody Speak
14. Pusha T - F.I.F.A.
15. Carnage feat ILoveMakonnen - I Like Tuh
16. Baauer feat. Novelist & Leikeli47 - Day Ones
17. Rammstein - Mein Herz Brennt
18. Mansionair - Speak Easy (Slum Sociable Remix)
19. Alan Walker - Faded (Instrumental)
20. Mogwai - Ether
21. Journey - Only the Young