Suffer for Fashion

There was so little work to do today at work that I didn't go. I took the day off for sleeping in and shopping for jeans. When I woke up at 11am and checked my inbox I hadn't received a single new email in almost 24 hours. How... 80's.

So I went to the outlet mall to try and find some jeans. I was surprised to see so many people at clearance stores at the middle of the day, The car park was completely full. Most homosapiens really are scavengers. There are probably some alpha-males out there, hunting and gathering. I'd like to be an alpha-male, I think. It would be better than being a vulture.
Vultures are the bargain hunters of the animal kingdom. I can imagine a mother vulture bringing back scraps of meat to its younglings and saying to the father 'You would not believe how much I got this for! They were just throwing it away.'

My primary goal was to get jeans. My secondary goal, an overarching concept, was to get 90's jeans. I don't really know what would classify jeans as 90's. Bell-Bottoms were the jeans of the 70s. Rivets came in during the 50s. I wasn't supposed to check that out.
In fact, the fashion industry has been distressing jeans by hacking, smashing and scuffing holes in them in the past decade. Trendy, but primitive. Jeans as a technology are going backwards.
I got a pair of Levi's 538s. That was after I tried on a pair of 501s. Jeans have version numbers!
Jeans West did not supply me with a supple pair of Jeans, despite my best efforts. I left their outlet store with several pairs in the "maybe" pile. But I would never see them again.
At the Levi outlet store, Dimitri helped me choose a new pair of jeans. And flirted the shit out of me. I suspected he was gay once he'd placed his hand on my arm and laughed when I'd told a crappy joke, about jeans having version numbers. He continued to hit on me, but I endured it as a road to scoring a good pair of jeans. I tried on five pairs before buying the jeans he recommended me. They were button fly. So I now have jeans that have extra buttons. It's oxymoronic, the button fly was invented before the zip. As jean technology increased the number of buttons decreased. And now here I was wearing 90's jeans loaded with buttons. Jeans transcend generations.
Dimitri gave me his number and said if I ever felt like going shopping I should call him. I don't think I will call him, but I probably did enjoy the confidence boost of being hit on by a gay dude maybe a little too much. I don't think he could spot me, benching 70kg. Oh God, does that mean I'm thinking about it!? Also he drives a beat up VL Commodore. Selling distressed jeans from a distressed car, that's fine but I'm looking for something classier. I've still got his number. Did people have mobiles in the 90s?