To the moron who tried to steal my VK Commodore

You idiotic bastard! How dare you even try to steal my car? What is wrong with you? Did your parents not love you enough as a child? Were you seriously that badly neglected that you didn't learn the difference between right and wrong? How hard can this be? Stealing a VK Commodore – wrong; stealing a half-decent car with vents that actually idles properly – right. How do you walk into a car park and spot a VK with a snapped of indicator stalk dangling near the ignition – the rich smell of exhaust still parked directly behind it – and say "that’s the car for me!"

Are you aware that you don't need to shove a screwdriver through my lock to break into the car? You only need to bend a coat-hanger into an l-shape and pry apart the window seal to pop-open the door better than the actual key does? Not to mention the fact that you couldn't even start the car. Considering the VK Commodore is one of the most commonly stolen cars in Australia, well, I just hope you’re not planning on making a career out of this. I think the $100 I have to spend to get the lock replaced will be worth the laugh I had as I drove home just marvelling at how far society has plummeted to even produce delinquents of such a nature that the most basic of car thefts couldn’t be completed successfully. You didn’t even rummage through my CDs and I had 'Hello Nasty' in its case just sitting next to the driver's seat.

The funniest thing is that my insurance is due in 10 days that will put me $400 out of pocket as well as devalue my car another couple as another year passes since manufacture. If you weren't so incompetent, that $400 could have gone towards paying my excess and I would've been almost two grand towards my new car without evening having to wash it and try and sell it. I could have handled the loss of some Subway stamps and Josh's jumper for that, I really could of (sorry Josh). It would have been the best insurance scam ever – the completely legal non-scam. Do you think I should drive it back there tomorrow and leave it unlocked in case he or she wants to have another try? I'm seriously considering it. Good work you fucking moron.