Finally, after years, the humans have started acting nicely towards me.

They don't make loud noises so much when I bark, or if I fart when they're eating.

I have even trained them to bring me toys to play with. They are very obedient and loving.

It has taken extreme patience on my behalf, but finally they are kind to me and pay me a lot of attention.

They love me so much they even sit quietly on my couch with me when I'm sleepy.

I think the fact that I'm so polite and friendly towards them has helped improve their behaviour. I can't think of any other explanation as to why they've become so lenient and attentive lately.

I mean what other reason would there be for them to treat me so nicely now?

Because they're going to surgically remove my uterus and ovaries tomorrow?

That's crazy?

Why would they even do that?

After working way too many hours during a sunny winter weekend I worked from home today. From the moment I woke up the entire sky was blanketed with grey, ambling cloud and I didn't see the sun once. It was cold. So, rationally, I decided to catalogue the pantry and find things to eat so I could increase my blubber like an elephant seal.

What did I find behind a packet of long life tortillas? A single-serving size of Lucky Charms that I stole from a breakfast buffet at a motel in Cambria, California.

I sampled many foods in America, but for my own sake resisted trying any American cereals for fear I would not be able to make myself board the plane back home. This sachet of morning candy was all I allowed myself to take. I'm glad I saved it for today. While outside was overcast and gloomy inside my cereal there were rainbows!

It was only after I finished drinking the leftover milk from the bowl that I wondered how long it had been since I had pocketed this cereal on that much sunnier morning last year, which I saw elephant seals on.

That was lucky!