Enterprising

Greetings,

Although
I am not a regular Boost juice customer I am a fan of your product.
It's not so much the juice or smoothie you provide but actually the
firm and sturdy yet easily disposable cup that everything comes in.

I
recently started working full time and after three years of university
getting up early in the morning really hurts. As a compromise I
developed a scheme for eating my breakfast on the train to earn 15
minutes of sleep each day. I then changed my diet and bought a blender
so that breakfast in the morning could be even healthier. However I am
now struggling to transfer my smoothies aboard this train dining
strategy. This brings me to my enquiry.

I am interested in
obtaining a quantity of large cups, lids and straws to use each week
that are of the same quality as Boost cups. It has also occurred to me
that if as an organisation Boost were to act as a supplier of cups,
lids and straws charging me a minimal fee it may provide some benefit
to Boost. After all, I am on a very busy train for over forty minutes
which equals to high brand name exposure for Boost given the labelling
on your cups.

In this context consider that there is a Boost
outlet within close proximity to the Adelaide railway station (the only
stop to dismount for work on in Adelaide). Also consider that many
people do not have time for breakfast in the morning and catch the
train hungry (I have no academic evidence to back this up). If there
are not already dollar signs appearing in your eyes, understand that I
am also the owner of a popular internet website that receives almost 50
unique hits per day! I would of course feel liable for
ensuring that my mainly Australian audience appreciates Boost's role in
my slightly quirky life.

I
would love to talk more to you if you are interested in supplying me
with enough cups for 1 home-made smoothie per business day for the next
couple of months. I could even collect them from an outlet if it's more
convenient for you! You can contact me on my mobile or reply to this
address.

If you are not interested in this opportunity then
thank you for your time and I hope this concept at least supplied you
with one smile!

Regards,
Brad


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Happy Birthday Chow

I injured my ankle and was out for 4-6 entries.
I wish I didn't have to stop taking my legs for granted.

This Week's Lessons

To fit the entire smoothie in the Boost Cup there is a friendly mid point between too much mixing and not enough mixing where it hits a minimum.

The way to win money on TAB SportsBet is to bet on one of those three game dealies.

Some things about photoshop from work. I love the training courses at work, they cover everything! If anyone from the 80's calls me I am prepared for communicating with them professionally and effectively.

Time to buy a brown suit and brown tie...

Enterprised

Quote:

Dear Brad,

Thank you for your email and inquiry.

At Boost we have reusable insulated mugs for sale as an option to the polystyrene cup. We would encourage you to buy one of these as you can fill it with your own drinks and when you visit the store you get a FREE Boost Supplement each time they bring it to be refilled.

Love Life
Boost

Sure, but where's the hilarity in that!? This solution would, however, have prevented a few of the spillage problems that my current ad hoc smoothie holder is causing.


Like my words? Want to buy one of my books? I think you'll like this one:

If you met yourself from the future, what would you ask your future self?
What if they wont tell you anything?

Chase: A Tomorrow Technologies Novella. Available Now for Less than a dollar!


Sad, Sad Day

The battery that vibrates my toothbrush when I clean died today.

Now it's just like brushing my teeth with a regular toothbrush.

The Red Paintings Review

It was only a coincidence that I told everyone that I spoke to this week that the Indie Rock band The Red Paintings show on Saturday night was one not to miss. In actual fact I just thought they were alright and I figured pumping them up as much as possible would improve my chances of recruiting people to come with me. In the end I could only pull Sam.

The two of us arrived at 8:20 but the doors didn't open until 9 so we got some subway. That part isn't really important other than we saw some members of the support band, Brillig, outside the venue and it was awkward when we then walked away again.

We returned after 9 and settled into a seat at The Jade Monkey which truly did live up to its description of "like listening to a band in your living room". I had a few beers from the fridge and we sat through the drum machine backed Brillig who closed with a Phil Collins cover.

Then there was some radiohead in the background as indie people shuffled around and we stood up to watch the beginning of the theatrics.

The Red Paintings truly impressed me. They were classy and for the most part extremely professional for a band unfortunately playing to only ~150 people. It's only a truly good band that can use gimmicks, in this case hulking robot decorations and sci-fi voice overs combined with Japanese orientated costuming, to enhance rather than support a set.

Having only heard the "Destroy the Robots" EP which helped me categorise TRP as "up and coming quality" I was stirred by the strength of their live performance. The aforementioned gimmicks added frills to a passionate and energetic two hour set that rode on the crowd throughout.

The lead singer, Trash McSweeney, was a beacon of this energy; a stark contrast to the serene facade presented by the other standing instrumentalists (bassist, violinist and cellist). All extremely talented, they delivered their sound cohesively only to alternate to posed statues whilst the song ebbed in a new direction. With the violinist providing backing vocals often embracing some excellent albeit creepily delivered spoken word from the cellist it was a joy to hear three such superb, distinct voices compliment each other so well.

Not to be left unmentioned was the drummer who although appearing to be left in the background provided the rhythm required for the rasping string section and wailing guitar to be so effective.

In two hours this band produced so many good songs that I lost track. Some stand outs were Pickles, Send My Love, Mad World, Destroy the Robots, It Is As It Was and I’ll Sell You Suicide. Definitely a band you cannot afford to miss live. At the end of the show, after I bought an EP, I saw the lead singer as we walked out and I got to say to him "that was a great show". I wasn’t lying.

GGOOOOAAAAALLL!

Every 4 years something special happens. Somehow I get a copy of FIFA
World Cup for PC and I spend hours obsessively playing it and swearing
at it until I win the world cup with some obscure nation.

Finally
after I've waited 32 years Australia made the world cup. This is in
real life as well as the game. I went and watched it last night at New
Yorks with Angus and some others and it was
entertaining, intense and probably the only good game of soccer I've
ever seen. There were a lot of soft free kicks and softer players
taking dives, much to the ire and moans of the Australian supporters in
the bar. It really ruined the game, why did they have to be easily
upset about it? What sport did they think they were coming to watch?

I'm Domesticated

After eating an apple a day for what seems like months, I decided to engage in a fruit mix-up and bought some oranges at the start of this week.

However it was only this morning, after I finished my thing of yoghurt and pulled the orange out of my drawer that I realised... I have no idea how to eat this fucking thing.

Imagery flashed before me; for some reason I believed it might be incredibly juicy and literally leak all over the desk if I punctured it. That was assuming I could actually work out how to properly remove the skin from it. Frightened, I reached for the phone and dialled 0, 0 and hesitated over the third zero.

Thank God for the internet. I changed my mind and turned to my IM contact list and beseeched Bradism No. 3 commenter Zoe for advice. She was equally clueless, but thankfully a quick Google search produced accurate results. And as the internet specified I began using my spoon to peel small portions of rind off. As each section ripped off I cringed in fear of the surely impending geyser of juice. It never came. All in all morning tea took about 45 minutes.

Up until today I figured that if I was trapped in the wilderness I, given my general health and ingenuity, would do well enough to survive. I think this misconception was finally truly shattered about 3 minutes into eating that orange when all nearby heard me mutter "what the hell... there are seeds in this thing?"

My Review of "Cars" The Movie

The movie "Cars" is produced by Pixar and I thought it was quite good
and met their lofty standards. It's the tale of a race car who is quite
good at what he does in a controlled world and is very focussed on
doing well at all costs. However when he loses control of his world he
realises that sometimes in life what's important is not where you get,
but how you get there along the way. In the end the moral of the story
was that it doesn't matter if you win the race, it just matters that
you get a podium finish and go on to open a succesful chain of hotels.
There was a fart joke too, so fucking 5 stars from me.

After I left the theatre and filtered through the car park towards my commodore, it was quite eerie.

Too Self Confident To Die

There are 500 entries on my web journal system. That's even more impressive considering it's only be up for 461 days. But that's the joys of data migration for you!

I figure about 200 of those entries have been introspective bullshit, so what better way to celebrate this milestone than to relive some of the moments from past journals? There's probably a list...

2001 - 2002

A self-analysis, which was initially quite rare!:

Quote:

Wednesday 5th of December, 2001
No, seriously, the whole school is going to hell when Brad McNaughton collects to [(ironic) sic] academic awards in the same, well, lifetime.

At one stage in my life I was still naive to the fact that I learnt more effectively than my effort actually suggests.

A change in attitude:

Quote:

December 17 2001
But, really, he was just doing it to show off to his girlfriend, which meant that whenever he lost the ball or missed a shot he would act like a Jackass. I mean, come on dude, why don't you prove to your girlfriend that you can actually accept it when things dont go your way and that you are a good sport. Sheesh.

Quote:

November 24 2002
Cowan told us that one of her "friends" got raped. Most of us were sceptical, it seemed obvious that this "friend" was actually her and by raped she probably meant "Got really tanked and because I dressed like a whore some guys had sex with me and when I woke up I didn’t even remember". Whatever happened I can’t say I feel any remorse. I don’t care if you got raped, at least wait until a decent time to call me and ask for help. Read a magazine or something I don’t care.

After cottoning on to my intelligence my attempts to fit in with society shortened and instead I adopted a self-confidence that even today I can't afford.

On Working, before and after actually trying it:

Quote:
February 16 2002
School is starting to take on that horrible routine feeling that makes you hate it even more but sucks all the energy from you leaving you with no energy left to hate and a startlingly clear picture of the next forty years of your working life.

When I read this yesterday for the first time in 4 years, I got chills. Chills!

Quote:
December 29 2002
Today I realised that I'm actually looking forward to the start of Uni because it will mean that I can stop working every day again. Cherish your days of freedom, my bretheren, because they are numbered like the days of the Earth.

There have been times in the past few months where I accept my new circumstances and lack of free time and wonder if I truly knew how good I had it during uni. Apparently I did!

The true nature of Brad cannot be opressed by man, stress or in this case, dull office work:

Quote:

December 16 2002
After that we went to the supermarket to get some lunch. I bought a roll and I wanted some meat to put on it so I went to the deli counter and requested 200 grams of Bung Fritz, which I figured would be about maybe 5 slices. I think fritz must be very light because the softball sized wad of Fritz she gave to me was rather big. I worked out it was actually about 300 grams but still, it was huge.
So, after a chick filled but hot walk back to the office I set about trying to eat my fritz. I got a paddle-pop stick to cut it up and some sauce in a polystyrene cup provided me with condiment courtesy of Chow. As I spread and ate that Fritz over the following 40 minutes we continually rang up Josh and leaving voice mails on his phone containing progress reports on my fritz eating. He was away on training today so he shall have fun tommorow. Then Chow spilt his glass of lemon squash over Jarrad's desk which we've all started eating at so that when we make mess it looks like he's the messy eater. And that concludes that adventure... working is fun!

Transitions...

2003 Part I

Quote:
January 13 2003
Today
I started "Operation: Lose Some Freaking Weight". I was going to go for
a run in the evening after it cooled down but the cricket seemed more
interesting so I ate a bannana. It's the second bannana I've eaten in
the last 7 years. The first I ate about August last year during
"Operation: Stop being so Freaking Fat".

This was
suprisingly one of the more effective enterprises I started. Years
later I read a lot about nutrition and I discovered that throughout
Uni, particularly in 2003 when I lost about 10kg, I stumbled across
excellent weight loss techniques without trying! Big breakfast with the
majority of the days carbs and low GI whole wheats, plenty of low fat
yoghurt high in calcium. Binge drinking... Well anyway It was pretty
cool. I miss bananas.

Quote:
January 15 2003
I
do about 20 reports per day and seeing that my handwriting it's pretty
shocking it's kind of hard to tell apart my slashes and my 1 for
January. Well, on about the 9th of January I forsaw that if I had to do
reports on the 11th of January, it would suck because that's a lot of
ones and slashes that could be confused with each other. Fortunately
the 11th of January was a Saturday so I wouldn't be working. Sure, that
doesn't seem that important but then I said to myself "hey Brad, that's
really important, people on the Internet want to know about this stuff"

I was starting to get the hang of this journal thing.

Quote:
February 2 2003
Brad:
If you ask a chick to dance, and she gives you the finger and licks the
finger as she gives it to you, what do you think that means?

I was not starting to get the hang of this "women" thing.

Quote:
...Really,
when it comes down to it all I'm just recruiting more people to give me
attention. Yes, it seems I'm an attention whore, a shy attention whore
who lacks self confidence. Bizarre as that sounds, from now on I think
I'll be introducing myself to women like this; "Hi, my name's Brad and
I plan on never having sex with you"

Oh God the constant self-analysis is starting!

Quote:
February 20 2003
I
figured I might have been pretty harsh and, well, slightly unfunny in
my unprovoked rant against Cowan yesterday. Today I planned to create
him a new Resume that would be much more fun and less fabricated.
Instead I finished the game "Spiderman: Seperation Anxiety" on the SNES
emulator at work. It seems like a waste of time now, but I say it was
worth it.

It was worth it...

Quote:
February 27 2003
The
thing about transition is that it involves a lot of sacrifices, and
generally a lot of phone calls… far too many phone calls. Oh, and let’s
not forget about the uncertainty. It’s not “am I doing the right thing
with my life” it’s more “am I getting off at the right bus stop here?”
And now there’ll be like, thirty times as many people as there were at
school who can only think up two different things to say to me before
they walk away after a minute of uncomfortable heel rocking (“Hi how
are you” and “[random expletive] you’re tall”).

My opinion of uni before I started is so contrasted to my opinion of it now, it's insane!

Quote:
May 15 2003
I
was thinking about arrogant people and how I really don't have any
problems with them being arrogant. Even when they're driving and
someone decides to be a dumbarse and overtake someone in the left lane,
I just go "yep, ok." I don't try and speed up and overtake them again.
I'm just pretty chill.
In this survey thingy there was a scenario
where some guy, who didn't do any work, was better than you at
everything. You had to say how you felt about him in all these
categories, whether you liked them or not, how you felt when they
failed etc. I wrote that I was happy for the guy. I mean really, anyone
that's better than me at everything must be quite the character. That's
a fairly good effort. According to this scenario he can even write
longer journal entries than me. I mean, wow, this guy is good. No, I'm
good, so he must be great!

Some self-confidence is forming!

Quote:
June 2 2003
I wish I could fix the part of my brain that keeps saying "Super Nintendo > Homework" but alas.

This seems to be a chronic condition.

Thus concludes today's look back at the first half of 2003. Reading old journals is remarkably easier than writing new bollocks.

Fast Times at Bradism High

Through coincidence, the 500th entry celebration continues today with a
look at a period in my life where relationships were a priority... or
at least an interest.

2003 part II - 2004 part I

But first...

Quote:
June 30 2003
this isn't a bitch. I'm pre-writing my own biography. I can't write an autobiography because I'm unable to get that personal.

God, if only. Probably the only thing I wrote in my wintry journal that wasn't a potent insight.

Quote:
December 18 2003
I
feel like trying to get a girlfriend is like trying to download a
1.4gig DVD rip of "Attack of The Clones" on a $10 a month dial-up
connection. First of all, I have no idea where to start, because I
don't know of any good sites. Then, when I finally do find a site,
well, progress takes forever. Have you ever tried to download 1.4 gigs
on a crappy 56k? It's very slow, very frustrating, perilous and
unfulfilling. I don't even have any "Download Clients" to "assist" me.
Also, prostitutes cost $390 dollars an hour, and I don't have $9.75 to
waste. Oh wait, I fucked up the metaphor...

Well this explains some things...


Quote:
January 4 2004
How
the hell do you let yourself get so vulnerable and open with another
person? I mean, I can't even piss if I know someone's within earshot.
What, and now I'm just supposed to get completely naked and ejaculate
in someone? There's no fucking way that's ever going to happen. Can you
imagine how awarkward that would be?

How times change. I did this just today! Didn't even spill any on the floor either.

Quote:
January 11 2004
weddings
are supposed to be special, so to make up for the lack of formal
clothing the service will be held over the top of an active volcano.
The Bride and all the helpers will come down the aisle on office chairs
in a race. The minister who marries us will not be religous and might
possibly be Chris Grant or Luke Darcy or BOTH! Fuck, maybe I'll marry
Luke Darcy instead... Mmmmm, weddings.

Probably getting ahead of myself at this stage.

Quote:
April 30 2003
Things to do:
...
-Trick a woman into going out with me
...


Quote:
March 2 2004
...
-Trick a woman into falling in love with me.
...

Now I was making progress. I was also making plans...

Quote:
April 9 2004
Which doesn't help with women. The conundrum:

I need a woman to help me find an appropriate shirt.
I need an appropriate shirt to find a woman.
For years I've been deadlocked in this deadly embrace.

I'm sure the fact that I was making database references on a daily basis contributed nothing to this dilemma.

Quote:
April 24 2004
Everything
has fallen into place. I bought clothes and I have finished installing
the car stereo and have found a girl who likes me. That's really cool,
because she's sweet and mad and goes pretty loud and still sounds good.
The girl's ok too.

And there I was, at the very beginning of my first relationship and already not taking it seriously...

Winter Solstice

It was the shortest day of the year today. I tried to take a photo.

Interview with Gus

After this morning's 2:2 victory... uh I mean draw, which I slept
through, I decided to get more information from the man who has been
the face of Australian football the past 2 weeks: Gus.

This interview is made of direct quotes from the chatlog between us this morning, almost all are completely in context.

Brad
The Socceroos have come from behind twice to draw with Croatia and
qualify for the final 16! What were your immediate thoughts following
the final whistle?
Gus Pure ecstasy
Brad At what stage in the past two weeks did you know, without a doubt, that the Socceroos would qualify for the next round?
Gus: I never did
Brad How many men in the past 3 games have you hugged?
Gus Too many. Slight wood has been felt also during these embraces.
Brad
Would you put this "wood" down to the adrenaline or is this more
related to the exuberant shirt removal that follows goals, victories
and sometimes just a good through ball
Gus ...pass.
Brad How do you react to claims that Australia are too physical?
Gus I wish they would be more physical.
Brad With you?
Gus I think they are awesome
Brad How... patriotic...
Gus You can't pretend to be patriotic by wanting to talk about it after it happens.
Brad Some sort of "Don’t Kiss and Tell" policy?
Gus Move on! Well, actually, don't move on coz I am going to bed. I stayed up and watched Australia.
Brad I was hoping to remember this day forever through your words
Gus That's like someone walking into a shop after it's been robbed and saying that they were involved in the robbery.
Brad So you're saying that the Socceroos are robbers? common thieves? is that why they are so violent?
Gus No. Talk some sense
Brad Man of the Match, for you?
Gus The Hamburgular.
Brad If Tim Cahill asked you to look after his Pets for a weekend, would you do it?
Gus I'd look after all his assets

So there you have it, Angus apparently wants to manage Tim Cahill's finances and Australia through to lose to Italy on Monday.

If anyone wonders why the Socceroos have 7 Croatian players it's because 7 dudes from Croatia live in Australia.

The soccer was intense last night. 0:0 at half time. 3:3 at full time. No goals in the extra period. Australia beats Italy 5:4 in the penalty shootout. Lady Sovereign's "9-5" chavs up my room as Australian players do their pre-programmed dance across the monitor and the option to replay or quit to main menu comes up. I almost missed the start of the actual soccer because of that goal that Totti scored in the 89th minute to equalise and send the game into extra time. Nevertheless I have probably not yelled at my computer that much since ten weeks ago when Ballard signed onto MSN the exact second after I selected shut down from the start menu.

Alas EA Sports' 'FIFA World Cup 2006' can have no bearing on real life save making me spazz out like a maniac as I drive hurriedly to The Vic to watch Italy play Australia in the Round of 16. Post midnight kick-offs on work nights be damned, I wasn't going to miss out on a piece of Australian history! I figured I'd get there, have a beer, leave at half time with Australia 3:0 down and 32 years later tell my unplanned children "I was there!"

I hate soccer. It's such a stupid game. Yes, it's skilful and there can be good goals and they're fit, athletic, but it's still stupid. One night whist camping and drinking Josh and I began playing a game of Trouble with alternative rules. We had reasoned that if you needed a 6 to get a guy out of home then (logically) getting a 1 would mean having to put him back in. Although I can't remember the other rules in detail there were four land mines that also sent pieces back home (played by white M&Ms) that you could move around the board when you didn't have any guys out (which was pretty common). We played 'Cunt', as it became affectionately know as, until we ran out of alcohol and neither of us managed to get a piece to the goal.

The game was fun enough, but obviously we never played it again. Although some skill and strategy was involved it was just too fucking hard to reach the goal. However in a scenario where 'Cunt' was played regularly after our fathers, and our father's fathers and all our friends played it so often that it became part of our way of life, you can imagine how passionate we could be about it. And sure, we could place mines perfectly and execute flawless piece formation as we travel around the board... then still lose because your opponent just hits four consecutive sixes and gets one guy halfway around the board in one go. But it'd be stupid.

I think the ending of last nights game was perfect. Not because I support Italy or want Australia out or anything. I think it's great because it says "Check it out Australia; this is the game you're following." It also means I can get more sleep again. Finally, the game was entertaining as fuck and I think Australia have really added something to this World Cup at least. Still, bad luck boys. Maybe now this country can ignore soccer again... time to turn our focus to World Cunt Championships, Sri Lanka 2009.

Soccer Sucks

I wonder how long a formula of substituing one strong coffe per hour of sleep lost would work before my kidneys freaked out.

Current Scientific Study Results:
1 Day
4 Coffees
Pee Colour: Pale Yellow

Out of Season

A year ago I got home from an exam, made lunch and sat on the internet when I discovered that Google Earth was now covering the suburbs of Adelaide. I was really excited because seeing stuff from space really does it for me. I think this is why I have a similar obsession with visiting a tiny town.

Anyway I was supposed to make an entry that night about how I'd seen my house from space and then go on to explain that I have an obsession with visiting a tiny town. But I put it off, forgot about it and I never made that post.

This won't happen anymore because I have an ideas pad which I mainly use for storing phone numbers that I look up at home but need to call at work. However upon reflecting about how I would write it today I noticed some differences. Now it seems wrong to be so naive about the power of a web application, after all I'm supposed to build them not like them! But mainly I noticed that if I wrote it today I would never be able to convey the innocence and wonderment of a boy who had longed to see his house from space and to have photos taken of himself next to tiny cottages. This is not because I've lost my innocence, it's just because I'm not trying very hard at writing!

A lot of my favourite shows have gone down a particular path. Scrubs, Family Guy, The Simpsons even Arrested Development all got to the stage where instead of continuing to build their success that just tried to recreate what had been successful. They stopped trying.

I have an exam on Friday morning. I haven't been to a single lecture or tute the entire semester. I haven't started studying yet. I am really hoping I Simpsons this one, and don't Arrested Development it up.

Divine Intervention

After studying yesterday for about 12 hours I went to my exam and
kicked the shit out of it. I even had time to write out the
short-answer questions at the top of the page for the questions I
answered. My thumb hurt at the end of it, but that's the kind of pain I
can afford to trade for an entire semester of turning up to classes and
reading anything.

You
ever play basketball, or some other other sport where you're just
screwing around and you take a stupid shot from some wack angle and it
just goes straight in? You're like "yeah, awesome, I didn't even try"
and then you get the ball back and just shoot again and it goes in
again! And then again! Everyone has a laugh. This analogy sums up my
entire three and a half years of uni.

In fact it also sums up most of my basketball career.

After
the exam I went to Marion for my traditional reward program of buying
myself shit for being so good at exams. I bought a CD and a slice of
pizza. Then I went through Myer and was accosted and doused with some
fruity cologne. Then home, cleaned my room, then gym, then pool, now
sleep. This afternoon will be my entire uni holidays so that sucks.
Because I usually sleep half of my uni holidays I will have to catch up
a lot.