Embarrassed

I bought my Thomas the Tank Engine muffin mixes 390 Days ago. They've now officially expired. I can't help but wonder if I made a mistake in purchasing them. And it's not like I bought them and forgot about them or anything, they've spent every one of those 390 days sitting on my desk right between my monitor and my router. That's not the kind of place I'm likely to neglect.
This afternoon I went to the Cop Shop to sign my statement and fill in a Victim Impact Statement in regards to last years Orientbeering Incident. As I wasn't very impacted, I didn't really write much. However in the middle pages there were fields for your name, age and what grade you were in school. Then there was a big blank space for you to draw a picture of what happened if you were a kid. Unfortunately when the cop took it from me he removed the middle pages without looking at them, assuming I hadn't spent 90% of my time using the police crayons. I didn't care though because I stole the orange one. That's all I can tell you right now because the whole thing is in the courts.


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Hot?!

30 Degree nights? Thousands of tiny little moths? How is this Autumn?

Elderly

Aside: I played for Grant's Saturday team today and we lost and the umpiring was pretty horrible.

I saw my Pop today for I think the second time in 8 years when he came over from Perth. It's only now with my current level of experience in life that I can get a deeper insight into the man he actually is. Because I never realised it before now, but I think I'm a lot like him. I see it in the way he calmly stands and surveys the current situation and you can see him mentally processing it, making connections. Like me, he doesn't say much when he's not talking, but when he does he's making jokes and not taking much seriously. Yeah, so he stands around vacantly and laughs at random things. I think that's like me, or maybe he just has dementia.

I'm quite glad to know he's still a cool guy, and he is all there still, both mentally and physically, which is promising for me. Huzzah for good family history. Usually it's awkward whenever I meet my extended family because I never see them and it usually only leads to polite, uncomfortable small talk. However I truly did chat to my Pop today like a normal person who I see all the time and it was rewarding. Especially seeing as I confirmed one of my greatest suspicious, the man is a player. My Grandmother died when I was around 2, and since then he got married and then divorced the woman I grew up with as "Nanny", who was another cool old person, and now he's living in a freaking bachelor pad. He told me that on Monday he goes old time dancing at night, Tuesday through Thursday is square dancing and then with a wink and a laugh he tells me that Friday is a rest day. Ah man, a whole lineage of players in my family, and I get jumped. I wonder what my Great-Grandfather was like with the women. How sad for me. But hey, if all the pretty coloured birds only produced pretty coloured offspring, there wouldn't be many dull birds left. And that's why I'm glad humans don't have feathers.

Party

Dusty's party last night was horrific. Horrifically hilarious. The events I try and regale from herein will try and convey this, but it will be difficult.

I arrived slightly late after returning from dinner with Pop and the family. Dusty had made a half-arse attempt at making the party a costume party, but other than allowing himself to wear a cummerbund and ensuring the rest of us had to endure Craig shirtless for the evening, not much effort was put into dressing up. Nevertheless, feeling slightly bad about last time I went to his house, I put on a fireman hat and within 2 minutes of arriving I donated it to Dusty as reimbursement for last time. Some guilt alleviated, I then joined the majority of the group outdoors when I talked manly with Kat and the hilarious German Bene. There was some banter, many sideways German jokes and attempts at pidgeon-deutch. Conversation of course led to the topic of whether or not Bene was a Hitler youth or not. To get to the bottom of that I conducted a word association experiment to reveal that, indeed, when I said "Zieg" he though "Heil!". Kat was bemused with this, and also wanted to play, however she wasn't a Hitler Youth so I declined her offer. To which she proffered "but my room-mates call me a communist... but I'm not.". We'd see about that, so I agree to word association, and open with "Voluntary Student Unionism", to which she associates "Bad!". I inform her that she is a communist, and then immediately leave so that Bene may no longer be distracted by me as he tries to teach Kat the German meaning of Love. (He later confirmed to me that it was 'leibe'.)
However I was now on a mission, having realised just exactly where I was: Dusty's house, at a party filled with arts students I was essentially in the Anti-VSU stronghold and as a pseudo Young Liberal it was time to ruffle some feathers.
With Sam's help, and unwittingly Dusty's, we secretively used his computer to print of many A4 Copies of many pro VSU slogans. When I say secretively, I mean as secretively as was possible where you're in the middle of a house that's having a party in it. Many close calls were had when it was almost discovered what we were up to. Nevertheless, somehow despite Dusty's sucky printer we managed to print off about 30 posters with giant phrases like:


  • VSU IS GOOD
  • I <3 VSU
  • VSU IT'S WHAT TO DO
  • What do we want? VSU When do we want it? NOW
  • WE BUILT THIS CITY ON VSU


Sam and I then tried to subtly make it to Dusty's room unnoticed where we could tape them all up in our protest against the man probably more anti VSU than anyone.
About a third of the way through sticking them all over Dusty's walls and roof, we were interrupted by Kat who wanted to know why we were in Dusty's room. Completely oblivious to the posters around her, Sam and I tried yet another round of excuses to make drunken people leave us until the jokes peak, however eventually she noticed and I had to carry her out and this created a slight storm, which drew Dusty's attention. Dusty was then alerted to the situation is his room, and I then watched what was probably in the top 10 most hilarious things I've ever seen. Dusty, a little drunk, staggers to the closed door of his bedroom and slowly opens it. Inside all large available spaces have been covered with pro-VSU slogans. I laughed hard, so hard I almost cried, it was quite perfect. Dusty, I'll admit, handled it alright, he's a good guy, unfortunately the rest of the art students did not take it so well, and there was a small riot as the posters were destroyed and taken outside to be burnt. I managed to preserve several posters for a time but alas.
Again, this is just one of those stories than cannot be retold in a manner as good as being there, but by God was it funny, it was like living in a sitcom.

Other Hilarious Events:
"No, that's what I'm saying; you should only go university if you can afford it. Poor people don't deserve education, this way the rich get richer and the poor get poorer" - This is not something you should say to a bi-sexual, hippy arts politician, especially after you call her a communist lesbian. This is how I became a 'have' and a glass of water became a 'have not'.

While Kat was in Dusty's room alone, the above mentioned girl walks in. Dusty, suddenly gifted a brainwave, jumps up and slams the door shut, barricading it. The two girls immediately start banging.
'What the fuck are you doing?' is raised, Dusty, slurring slightly, tells us not to worry.
'No No, you see, if I put them in there they will start making out... because I left my camera in there...'
I cannot believe this theory actually worked, as when we opened the door minutes later, Dusty instantly garnered a lot of respect.

"Cowan you drove 2 hours across town while drunk to give a lesbian a lift home?"
"No No, it's ok, I got her number!"

That and the sheer amount of German jokes I made, God, I love Bene.


Like my words? Want to buy one of my books? I think you'll like this one:

If you met yourself from the future, what would you ask your future self?
What if they wont tell you anything?

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Brain Bits for Today

Attract neighbours to your house via cooking! Microwave the hamburgers on the lowest setting first, so that they are juicy. While this happens heat an oiled fry pan. When adding the meat it should go "shshshshshhhhh" and start to brown immediately. Squeeze a spiral of honey-mustard on each patty, then rub that in with your spatula, then press the burger down. Flip, add more mustard and repeat. The smell was still attracting onsmellers hours after I ate them. For months now I've thought I'm bored with food but today I wasn't.

Women's cricket is very entertaining to watch. It's like cricket with comedy. Why is it funny? Because they're horrible at it, probably because they're women. It's even more amusing when you consider that they're supposed to be the best in the world.

Also in this category, what is it with girls and thinking and feelings?

Usually I take a headphone out when someone comes down my aisle when I'm working it. I gave up on doing it for the deaf girl though, because conversation with her is poor. She thought it rude when I couldn't hear her when she was asking me what to face up, and I wasn't able to successfully communicate that I was trying a lesson in empathy.

In another brush with deaf today, I watched five minutes of Jerry Springer while eating my hamburgers and there were two fat, white-trash deaf girls on there yelling at each other about a black guy who one of them seemed to like.

I met with my ex-minister Jonathan today, and other than the bit where I accidentally flicked milk from my straw onto my shirt, the catch up was a reasonable success. Apparently me deciding there's no God, rejecting the Bible, learning that when you pray no one hears you, denying that Jesus rose from the death and accepting that once you die you're dead, I am now closer to God than ever. No kidding on that one.

And from the 'Discontinued Lines' joke clearance bin: "Text Messages that would make Akufen proud".

Site Announcement

I'm not suprised that during holidays I haven't really done anything. I suppose that is what makes them holidays. Nevertheless, I'm posting today to inform anyone that posting comments on Bradism is now easier and more fulfiling and also won't break the layout in Internet Explorer. So basically I spent a couple of hours today stealing emoticons from MSN and making them show up in comments. Cool Huh? :)

Also you can use line breaks in comments now. :rolleyes:

Wheee!

Drinks

That's what these holidays are, in cricket terms, drinks. No time to visit the bathroom and have a snack, just long enough to get a new pair of gloves and a quick word to the 12th man. Whoever that is in this analogy, I'm not sure yet.
This afternoon I enjoyed a very good ice coffee. So good, in fact, that it was probably the highlight of my day. What that says about my day and, this being the first entry in a while, my week is probably best left unsaid. Although optimistically, in a carton-half-full perspective, what does it say about the quality of that ice coffee!
Needless to say the carton is, at least now, empty.

Anzac Day

Today's entry is 90% motivated by getting value out of this Timmy picture.
The other 10% is this:

OH GOD I HAVE WASTED MY ENTIRE HOLIDAYS.

I'll Write More Entries Now

Signs You've Played MS Hearts too much in the past month:

  • You've won a game in 4 rounds
  • When you meet people named Ben, Michelle or Pauline you regard them with immediate suspicion
  • Your Catholic neighbours now smile at you from their drive-way because you've been heard screaming "PAY FOR YOUR SINS" as you follow an unsuccesful moon shot with a succesful one.
  • Whipping out your wang and shaking it at the screen in mockery when you win is no longer an impulse and instead something you've been caught doing... twice
  • You've lost in 4 rounds.

I don't know what I thought I was doing with my holidays. Every day I tried to do homework, procrastinated and instead did nothing worthwhile. For some reason I thought that being in the final year of my course might require me to be organised and do work before the last minute. I now realise how foolish I've been. Putting off things to the last minute, even when you know you have to do them, is what makes Uni so slack in the first place. It's also why my journal was regularly updated last year when I enforced an 'update every day' policy. Sure, a lot of it was shit, but enjoyable stuff came up too and that's the kind of stuff I may have missed recently.
As you can see, today was my deadline for yet another self-analysis. I swear, I seem to have close to 10 epiphanies a week, half of which I disregard completely and a few more in which I realise that an earlier epiphany was quite incorrect.